Chapter Three -
Observations...Chapter Three -
Observations...
George
December
3, 2000
2:30
a.m.
What has
changed me so
much, as to make me yell at Scully like that? He wonders within
his fitful
sleep.
Sitting next
to Mulder;
his hand softly encased within her own, Agent Reyes can see that he is
having a
difficult time sleeping. As he continues
tossing and turning, she leans over and whispers quietly in his ear;
hoping to
give him the reassurance that things will get better.
"I am here. I care.
And I am not going anywhere, should you need anyone."
In his sleep,
Mulder
feels someone squeeze his hand and, almost immediately, the images in
his mind
change. He finds himself to be in a
peaceful place. A mountain park, high
above a valley of green grass and wildflowers.
The air is so fresh; it is almost sweet. No longer afraid, he
slips into a deep and peaceful slumber, and Monica begins to relax.
Watching him
as he
sleeps, she begins to ponder over a few things of her own…How come
Day is
not here? Why am I? I know that she tires easily,
but she is his
doctor. She didn't even call back
to see how he is doing! What happened
here? What made it so that the undying
faith Day has held onto for so long seems…to have disappeared?
Oh, once
again, I have
too many questions, and not enough answers.
Tired, Monica
lays her
head on the bed beside Mulder’s sleeping form and closes her eyes;
deciding she
will talk to Scully in the morning. Right
now, my first priority is Mulder. I have
to know that he will be okay.
Why?
I have no
idea. She
answers the voice in her head; before closing her own eyes, and
drifting off
herself.
December
3, 2000
5:00
a.m.
As the quiet
voice of the
morning disc jockey on his favorite talk radio station-WGOP
700 AM-begins to filter into his mind, John Doggett turns to
his left, and slams his hand down onto the snooze button of his alarm
clock.
Christ, do
I have to
hear about the damn plague of toy less children this Christmas, this
early in the damn morning? Turning back to lay flat, he grins despite
himself. Wow, I feel like a new man. I was given a precious gift last night,
though at the time I had been too upset to realize it.
I was given a look at the soul of a woman
whom I feel, whom I know, is one of the strongest people I have
ever
met.
Pulling
himself out of
bed, he smiles at the spring in his step.
Nothing
can bring me
down today, Baby.
He swears, as he begins to go about his usual
morning routine. Having been in the
Marines for six years it is still an ingrained habit for him to
immediately
make the bed upon rising, and once this job is complete, he starts
setting out
the clothes that he will wear for the day.
Thank God
today is
Saturday.
He muses with a grin. If I had
to go to that damn building today, I think I'd have to hit the shooting
range first,
just to release some of my pent up frustrations about the damn Mulder
case.
Leaving his
bedroom he
runs down his stairs, two at a time, wearing his official "United
States
Marine Corp." tee-shirt and a pair of white cotton briefs, to start the
coffee brewing. He then proceeds to the
bathroom.
As he brushes
his teeth,
he looks in the mirror and smiles again at himself.
You, Johnny Boy, are a goofball! What
with your brush hanging out, but hey a
smile is a smile, nonetheless. I guess I
came to terms at some point in the night, whether consciously or
subconsciously
I don't know, nor do I care, about my relationship with Dana Scully.
Before I
even saw her
with Agent Mulder, I was well aware that my chances with her were
nonexistent. Though this, of course,
bothers me a bit, I can only hope that because she had no idea of the
feelings
I hold for her, no damage has really been done to our new friendship. Thus, I can be happy in a quest to help her
find happiness of her own.
Whether
that's with
me-or not-is up to God and Fate, I guess.
But, also, I know that no matter what happens, I will be there
for
her. I'll help her through whatever
turmoil she may have, should any arise, and that will be enough.
It has to
be enough.
After
spitting into the
sink and rinsing his mouth out with water from the tap, he grabs a can
of
shaving cream from the counter and lathers it onto his face, before
reaching
for his razor. Scraping the blade across
the sharp planes of his face, he recalls his conversation with Skinner
the
previous evening.
He said to
leave this
Krycek person to him. Now why would he
say that? What is he hiding?
Is he hiding anything? Or does he
have his own personal vendetta
against the man?
Well, I
guess I could
drop by and visit with Dana this morning, before she goes to the
hospital, and
see if I can subtly get some information from her, as he suggested. Swiftly
rinsing his blade, he leans over the sink and washes off the excess
lather from
his face. She should be up by at
least seven. That woman is always up
early, what with her baby due in only a few weeks.
Surely she would not mind my stopping by.
He puts his
razor in the
medicine cabinet and walks to the shower.
Turning it on to a comfortable temperature, he quickly steps
underneath
the spray, and shuts the sliding glass door.
No time like the present, I guess, to start acting the part
of an
"X-Files" Special Agent.
Even if it
is my day
off.
December
3, 2000
5:00
a.m.
Stoli.
What the
hell did I do
now? If I did something stupid; like
stay out all night and get ripped at The Irish Isle-again-Walter is
going to
kick my…
Suddenly
feeling an
unusual pressure beneath his right hand-the reason he woke in the first
place-he sits up swiftly; his body hitting the back of Skinner's couch
solidly,
and he stares in amazement at his hand, which is resting across the
pregnant
belly of…Dana Scully?!
Oh shit!
Having roused
with a
start herself-thus causing the reaction of the unborn child within her
body-Scully had been more than a little surprised to find that she had
fallen
asleep on Skinner's couch.
With
Alex Krycek.
Jolted by the
realization
of his location, and with the memories of the previous night flooding
his mind,
Alex pulls his hand away swiftly, his eyes widening in surprise as his
movement
induces the baby to kick in response.
Dana wonders
at his
reaction, and then smiles. "Good
morning."
He blushes;
caught by her
piercing blue gaze. Jesus!
"Good…um…good morning."
Immediately
noting his
close proximity to her; he moves away; awkwardly asking, "Would you
like
some coffee? Decaf, of course."
Rubbing her
abdomen to
calm the rambunctious child within her womb, she observes the man's
unfamiliar
nervousness, and her smile widens.
"Yes, please."
He nods
quickly, and
stands to makes his way to the kitchen; feeling the pressing need to
put some
space between them. Lest he do something
very unwise.
She watches
him leave as
she, too, rises from the couch, and walking down the hall toward the
bathroom
she ponders to herself: What got into
him?
Hell, what
has gotten
into me?
How come I
don't feel
like biting Walter’s head off for allowing us to fall asleep that way! On the couch together, no less!
He had to have known we did.
Oh my God,
what Alex
must be thinking right now!
Alex?! Why do you care? Her rational mind
retorts.
I
don't…I don't know.
She hastily
relieves the
pressure on her bladder, and upon returning to the living room, sees
that it is
still empty. Feeling brave, she ventures
to the kitchen; where she finds Krycek mumbling harshly to himself.
"Stupid! Stupid!
Stupid! How could I have allowed
myself to fall asleep there! With her!
Fuck, I must have a death wish!"
"Everything
okay?" Scully asks, with a small
grin on her face.
"Um, yes. The coffee will be ready in a minute." Krycek offers, startled, as she walks in on
his mumblings. He smiles shyly at her,
and then looks quickly away, still feeling jittery about the way he
found
himself upon waking.
"Good. I am dying for a cup." She
admits, eyeing him curiously. "Even though
it is decaf, I still have
to have my morning coffee." She continues
when he does not reply; trying to ease the sudden tension in the room.
He moves
passed
her-carefully-and she watches quietly, as he takes down a couple of
coffee mugs
from the cupboard above the coffeemaker, and places them onto the
counter. The sight of his left arm’s
perfectly fluid
movements doesn't even register with her-only his nervousness-and she
unexpectedly places her hand on his right shoulder.
"Alex?"
He starts
involuntarily-again-and
takes a step backward, out of her light grasp.
"I'm…I am
sorry. I didn't mean to startle
you. I was just…I was wondering if…if
you would like to sit in the living room with our coffee?
I'm sure it's more comfortable than the
dining room table." She offers,
turning to remove the carafe from its burner.
He looks at
her
cautiously, not knowing how to react to her kindness.
Not after so many years of being on the
receiving end of her hostility.
"All…all
right."
She pours
them each a
cup, adds some creamer to both, and then turns to carry them to the
living
room, glad when he doesn't rush to take them from her; the way Walter
and John
always seem to of late. "After
you."
Sensing his
thoughts are
in a quandary, and understanding fully, she decides to wait and allow
him to
make the next move in breaking down the walls that seem to have
returned
between them, and she follows him through the kitchen toward the living
room
without saying another word.
Feeling
awkward, and
having no idea what to say to the woman walking behind him, he removes
the
blanket from the cushions and places it along the back of the couch. He then sits, while she puts the cups down
onto the coffee table and takes a seat to the right of him.
Noting her
position-the
fact she has chosen to sit beside him, rather than across from him in
the
recliner-he apprehensively picks up his cup and takes a sip, while
staring at
the floor.
This is
stupid! I can't believe I am such a
nervous wreck
around her, even now, after I have told her the truth about me. Especially when, just last night, I was fine
with simply trying to figure out how to keep her in the same room with
me,
without getting shot! It doesn't make
any sense! And, how come I can't stop
feeling like a fucking schoolboy?
Taking her
own cup in her
hands and bringing it to her mouth, she enjoys the aroma of hazelnut as
she
sips. Carefully swallowing the hot
liquid, she keeps her eyes averted from his general direction, and
patiently waits
for him to begin speaking; to break their tense silence.
Feeling as if
he is treading
on eggshells, Alex has one more sip of his coffee, and then begins
shaking his
head, as he chuckles.
"What?" She asks, peering at him; surprised by his
laughter. "What is it?"
"This. This is
ridiculous! Don’t you think?
Damn, Dana, I feel as though I am back in
junior high school for God's sake. After
all of the shit you and I have both been through, one would think that
I
wouldn't be so edgy to just be sitting here and having a cup of coffee."
She smiles. "I know what you mean."
He raises his
head and
looks at her, stunned. "You do?"
"Well of
course I do,
Alex. Apart from the first few weeks we
knew each other; you and I have spent the past several years as enemies. Last night's conversation took great amounts
of bravery on both our parts, if you ask me.
Courage for you to admit to me all that you did, and for me to
sit still
long enough to listen.
"In
retrospect, we
should have probably done this a long time ago.
It would have saved a lot of tears from being shed
and…circumstances
from happening. However, now that we
have made it this far, it feels odd for us to simply sit here, because
we truly
don't know how to proceed forward. At
least, I don't."
"Yes."
"I am
worried, Alex. To put it bluntly. Worried about how Mulder will react to all
that you have admitted, and how he will take it when I tell him that I
believe
you."
He stares at
her,
dumbstruck.
She grins at
his
expression. "What? What
did I say?" She questions, drinking her
coffee as though
she has not a care in the world-though her heart is again pounding in
her
chest.
He clears his
throat, and
shifts his eyes away from her gaze.
"Nothing. It is just…it's
still hard for me to hear those words.
From you. Your beliefs-I have
come to know-are almost as hard to change as Mulder’s."
She laughs,
surprising
him into silence. Way to go,
Alex. He
admonishes himself; feeling like an idiot.
You should really learn to keep
your damn opinions to yourself.
Seeing his
increased
unease, she stops laughing and hurries on to explain; upset at herself
for
making him feel bad.
"Actually,
Alex, I
have been told that my beliefs are harder
than his to change."
He chances a
glance at
her, and asks, "Who told you that?"
"My mother."
"Really? Why? I
mean, surely she knows Mulder. She has
to have heard of just how strong-willed he is when it
comes to
his belief system."
"Yes. However, she firmly stated to me once, after
a particularly peculiar case, that I am my father’s daughter. As such, I must have facts and tangible proof
in order to actually believe in something.
She honestly thinks that is why I became a doctor.
I have always wanted to find out the
underlying cause as to what makes something work, or not.
Whereas with Mulder? He simply, believes.
"It is a
wonder that
I never drove him insane, what with my constant rhetoric about needing
to have
proof of everything we encountered."
"So what made
you
finally believe in aliens? If you don't
mind my asking?" He inquires, his anxiety
abruptly evaporated by her frankness.
She can
literally feel
the tension leaving the room as they settle into their conversation,
and she
grins. Though the topic of aliens is one
that she would rather not discuss, she can't resist the unexpected urge
to tell
him what he wants to know. If only,
because he will believe what she has
to say. Now I know how Mulder must have
felt when
he found himself paired with this man. A
fellow believer.
Damn, it
truly is
amazing that he didn't tell me to take a flying leap, and take my
skepticism
with me…and wish to keep Alex as a partner-permanently.
I wonder how much would have changed if he
had he done that?
Setting her
cup down onto
the table, she pulls her legs up underneath herself, props her elbow on
the
back of the couch, and lays her head in the palm of her hand. She then smiles brightly as she says, "I
could no longer deny to myself that everything I had seen, even without
tangible proof, was not real. The bounty
hunters. The green blood.
The black oil.
"The alien
virus.
"These things
which,
though I could not prove it,
I found did exist. The instances of our
coming into contact with some form of unidentifiable compound were
becoming…too
many…for me to deny them any longer. I
never told Mulder my thoughts, though.
He never knew, before he ‘left’, that I had become a true
believer."
"What? Why not?"
"I found it
would be
too hard for me to finally reveal to him that I believed.
After having spent so many years refusing to
see things for what they were, I was afraid that if I told him I
finally
accepted that he was right, he would see me as, not merely one who had
been
skeptical of his theories, but as a traitor.
A traitor to our quest-for never allowing myself to believe in
the first
place."
"You actually
thought that?" Alex
asks,
quite shocked by her candidness.
"Yes. Knowing Mulder as well as I do, I knew he
would have felt betrayed; as I am certain that my speaking up about my
changed
beliefs could have saved our asses on more than one occasion."
"Surely you
know he
would not have seen you as a traitor to him, Dana.
You, out of all of us, have always
stayed true to him. Never allowing where
you stood-as far as he was concerned-to waver.
Even when things looked absolutely hopeless.
Even when…when you were ill, you stayed true
to him."
"That was
long
before I believed though, Alex. My
standing by him has always been due to my respect for him, and his
trust in
me. It was not until recently, when I
realized I could have saved him, that I realized I had
failed
him. If I had only done as he had asked;
said something to those who mattered, like Walter, he may have never
been lost
to begin with. He may not have felt the
compulsion to retrieve the proof that I always said I needed. He may not be
lying in that damn hospital
right now."
"No. It could be you, all over again, only this
time by the hands of the aliens, not the Consortium."
He replies, quietly. Not breaking
his gaze from her down-turned
face he takes a sip of his coffee, and then places his cup on the table
near
hers.
"It should
be me." She responds firmly,
lifting her head to look at him squarely.
"No! Damn it, Dana, don't say that!
If I had spoken up long ago,
instead of trying to solve this shit my own way, no one might be in
that damn
hospital! You can't say that it should
be you! It should not even be him!"
"I am glad
it's not you,
Alex." She softly admits, while
placing her hand on his arm; enthralled by the fierceness of his
statement.
"What?!" He exclaims, quite taken aback;
simultaneously stunned by the sensation of her hand on his arm.
"I said I am
glad
that it is not you." She repeats,
removing her hand and picking up her coffee.
"If it were, you would not have become friends with Walter, and
now
with me, and we may have missed out on learning your truth. However, it is
Mulder, and now
I-we-must find a way to help him. Not
only with his recovery, but also…also with finding the answers that I'm
sure he
wants. Lord knows I want them. I need to know why, Alex.
Why him and not me? Why him at all? All
I want to know is why." She
reiterates; finishing her coffee and
placing the cup back down on the coffee table.
"I don't have
all of
the answers, Dana. I wish to God I
did. However, I'm not going to stop
until we do have them. Like you, my goal
is to learn why. I have a lot of
information that I want nothing more than to share with you, and Mulder. However, how the hell am I supposed to do
that? Walter was barely able to keep you
from shooting me last night. How are we
supposed to get Mulder to listen?"
"Leave Mulder
to me,
Alex. I'll figure something
out." She confidently replies. "Now, on a lighter note; you want to
hear a funny story?" She questions,
fearful that any more serious talk of Mulder could result in the sudden
loss of
her courage to continue with conversing with the man whom had-only
hours
before-been her sworn enemy. Knowing
Mulder would not approve of the sudden entrustment of her thoughts to him-of all people.
"A funny
story? What are you trying to do, cheer me
up?" He asks, perplexed by her sudden
change in
subject.
"Actually,
yes. It will cheer us both up. Especially since it has to deal with Mulder,
a genie, and me."
He grins. "Okay, now who is pulling whose chain
here? You actually sound like he usually
does."
She laughs,
and he stares
at her, confused. "What?
What did I say?"
"I have my
moments,
Alex. Just ask my new partner. He really thinks I am
nuts." She states rather
cheerfully.
"Well, he
doesn't
know you very well then, does he?"
Alex asks innocently, not wanting to think about Special Agent
John
Doggett.
She gazes at
him,
wonderingly. "Actually, no.
You seem to know more about how
I feel, than most. How…odd."
"How is that
odd,
Dana?" He inquires, glancing at the
clock-Five thirty-five, already?-and
wondering when Walter will be awake.
I can't believe I'm actually enjoying this quiet time with
her-without feeling inferior-and I'm afraid that once Walter joins us,
I may
never get another chance to spend time with her. Like
this.
Not only
that,
but…what the hell is he going to think when he walks down those damn
stairs?
"I have just
told
you more about my innermost secrets regarding my beliefs, than I have
told anyone. I never
admitted to Walter that I had kept
Mulder in the dark. You, Alex, seem to
have…I don't know…this…way…about you.
"In fact,
sitting
here and casually drinking coffee with you seems to have enabled me to
keep my
walls down, and open up. That-in and of
itself-is a feat. I haven’t been this
carefree about myself since…" She
pauses, her eyes growing wide, as she recalls a similar time she was in
such a
setting. Alone. With
a man..
Drinking and talking freely.
Feeling comfortable about myself…revealing things about myself.
Oh shit!
Eddie Van
Blundht!
She
immediately starts
giggling, unable to get the sudden images of Eddie compared to Alex
from her
mind.
Oh my God! She is giggling! Actually
giggling! What the hell is she
thinking about? "Dana? What's so
funny?" He asks, truly lost as to the
cause of her
behavior; hoping that it is not at his expense.
Is it?
"Oh, Alex. You wouldn't believe me if I told you. I was just remembering a similar situation I
was in, once, and the resemblance is funny!"
"What
situation?"
"Me. A man.
Alone. Talking freely
about…myself."
"And that is funny…how?" He
questions, hoping that she will give him
the real answer, never mind the fact that he knows she fears he may not
believe
it. However, he has seen too many things
in his relatively short life to disbelieve much.
"Would you
believe
me if I told you it was a case?"
"I can assure
you,
Dana, it takes a lot to surprise me."
"You see,
Mulder and
I worked on this case several years ago where this man, Eddie Van
Blundht, was
able to literally transform his body into that of another." She reveals through renewed giggles.
"Transform
how? Like an Alien Bounty Hunter?" He asks, the confusion he feels clearly
visible in his green eyes. How can
that possibility even remotely be amusing to her?
"No, no, not
at
all. He was not alien, Alex.
Just…different. Anyway, he had
managed to lock up Mulder in
the basement of a hospital, and then fly with me back to D.C., as
Mulder, and
then he came over that night and we did just this."
"Just
what?" Alex inquires, wondering how
she could be construing this situation as humorous.
All we are doing is drinking coffee.
"Talking, Alex. He had brought
over a bottle of wine, and I
just started…talking. I had probably one
of the best conversations ever with 'Mulder' that night.
Only, it wasn't Mulder. It was
Eddie.
I only found out about the duplicity, because Mulder literally
came
crashing through my front door, while Eddie was…hovering…over me…on the
couch." She states brokenly; trying
to get her renewed laughter under control.
Alex stares
at her, having
no idea how to respond. Okaaay…how in
the world is that situation similar to this one?
"Dana? How are these two situations similar? I mean, I have absolutely no
intention of morphing into some other guy.
Least of all, Mulder."
She beams at
him. "They are similar in the fact that I
actually feel comfortable talking to
you, just as Eddie made me feel
comfortable talking to him. I have never
had that with Mulder. Don’t get me
wrong, he is my best friend, however, he can be so damn intense
that it is often nerve-wracking for me to simply open up to him. To tell him anything.
"Unless it
involves
a case, a UFO, a kidnapping, or just about anything else work related,
I find
it hard to talk to him. As though the
very thought of something as normal as having a cup of
coffee
together, and talking about our personal lives would be…well? Too mundane.
"Mulder is
such an
intelligent man that even now-almost nine years later-I still find it
difficult
to merely sit and have a personal chat with him. I
always seem to have to bring work into the
conversation at some point, just to keep his interest maintained."
Alex looks at
her, taken
aback. "You are
kidding, right? Almost nine years
together, and you feel that
you can't talk to him? You just said he
is your best friend?"
"He is. However, that still doesn't mean that I feel
comfortable enough with telling him everything about me.
Hell, I am sure that there is still a lot
about him that I don't know, either. But
that's all right. That just makes us
even more, I don't know…special. It
keeps the intrigue there. It keeps us on
our toes."
"I really am
sorry,
Dana. But, that doesn't make any sense
to me. How can you two be so close, and
not know everything about each other?"
"I guess it
comes
down to trust, Alex."
"Trust?" He repeats,
mystified. "You two have the most trusting
relationship out of anyone I know. What
could you possibly not trust him with?"
She stops
smiling and
simply gazes at him, her eyes squinting in contemplation of his
question.
He instantly
realizes he
may have actually stepped over some unseen line between them, and looks
away. You idiot! You
want to be her friend, not have her
squash you like a bug, no matter now much you think you do deserve it!
"My heart,
Alex." She replies quietly.
"My heart."
"Listen, I'm
sorry,
Dana…It's really not…"
"No, it's
okay. I can admit that-now.
I have never been able to fully trust him
with my heart. Yes, I love him; don't
get me wrong. However, he and I…though
we may have this great relationship; we could never be together in that
way. It would…" She
pauses to take a deep breath, before
finally admitting something she has known for quite awhile. "It would not work out, Alex.
He has his quest-which has become
mine-however; he and I still have other goals…different goals…which we
wish to
obtain. He…" She
pauses again, trying to figure out
exactly how to phrase what she wants to say.
The fact that it is to Alex Krycek is not completely lost on her.
"He and I
want
different things, Alex. Things outside
of the X-Files. I want a family. A home.
Something a lot more stable than what I had as a child. Whereas he, while he wants stability, he also
wants to have the option of just picking up and going where he wants;
when he
wants.
"I have been
doing
that my entire life. Always going, and
never simply staying.
Simply…living." She chuckles
again. "Truth be told; living here
in D.C. for the past eleven years is the longest I have ever stayed
anywhere,
but…I want more."
"Does he know
all of
this?" Alex asks softly, his mind
racing at the level of confidence she has just bestowed upon him. "You've at least told him this?"
She smiles,
finding his
quiet voice to be quite soothing.
"Yes. He is aware of what I
desire, but not necessarily because I have told him outright. He has been able to gauge a lot of my wants,
by simply being my friend for the past few years. Like
I said earlier, I do have a hard time
talking to him about my personal life, but that doesn't mean that I
neglect to
say anything."
Alex, not
knowing how to
respond, simply remains silent; digesting the news she has just given
him. The trust she has shown to him, and
he finds
it quite humbling. Wow.
What the hell do I say to all of that? What
could I possibly say to her after listening
to one of the most bittersweet things I have ever heard?
"Thanks for sharing?" I think not.
Damn, and
here I
thought they were perfect for each other!
I never in a million years would have guessed that
they-themselves-felt
they were not.
They do
have a special
relationship, of course. Especially if
they continued to go through all the shit they have been through for
each
other, all the while knowing that they would not be together in the end. A lot like me and…
He squelches
his last
thought before it can finish forming, as she finally speaks; breaking
the
silence.
"So, Alex. Now that I have absolutely shocked you on
this fine Saturday morning, you want to hear my story?"
She asks, needing to keep the mood light,
before her raging hormones take over again, and she begins crying due
to the
injustices made to her life. God only
knows how many tears I have wasted on it before I became
pregnant.
He smiles,
more than a
little astonished by her level of openness with him.
"Sure. Tell me your story, Dana."
6:00
a.m.
On the couch?
Laughing,
and drinking
coffee?
Confident
they don't
notice him standing at the base of the stairs, he takes a moment to
watch them
interact, and as the memories of the night before return, he smiles. He then notes with growing fascination the
transformation they both seem to have made.
They act as though they have been friends their entire lives.
Close
friends!
He smiles
even wider, as
he leans against the wall and listens in on their banter, not wanting
to
startle Scully into silence with an abrupt entry.
"…Then he asked me
if I remembered disappearing from the face of the earth for about an
hour that
morning." Dana says while laughing
freely, thoroughly enjoying herself.
"Did you?" Alex asks, with a big grin on his own face.
"Of course
not. However, you should have seen
the look he gave me! I mean, he was
completely serious-and absolutely convinced-I had disappeared. And it took everything in me to
keep a straight face, because I thought he was nuts!"
Oh, not again. What
is it with her and that genie story? Skinner wonders
as
he, too, chuckles at her exuberance, which makes them both look in his
direction-startled. The pair instantly
falls
silent; causing him to blush. Damn
it! I hadn't meant for them to stop
talking! And why do I, again, feel as
though I am intruding?
Slightly
shrugging his
shoulders, he walks toward the kitchen quickly mumbling, "Good
morning.", as he passes the couch, all the while trying to hide his red
face by removing his glasses and rubbing his eyes.
"Good
morning." They reply in tandem,
with Dana immediately blushing, as well.
The heat of it rising from the nape of her neck to the top of
her head. Damn it!
I have no reason to be embarrassed!
I have simply made a new friend out of an old enemy!
Yet, after
having seen
Skinner, her thoughts instantly return to Mulder, and she wonders if he
can
help her with her desire to get Mulder to understand about Alex. How would Mulder react right now,
if he knew that I was sitting here, telling Alex Krycek stories of our
adventures together?
Would he
actually be
angry enough with me to simply walk away?
From everything we have shared and everything we still need to
find out?
She shudders
at the
thought.
Alex mistakes
her shudder
as a chill, and pulls the blanket from the back of the couch. Placing it across her shoulders, he smiles at
her curious expression. "Feel
better?"
"Um, yes. Thank you, Alex." She
replies, smiling at him shyly. Thankful
that he doesn't know exactly
how much better she feels, considering she's just told him things
regarding
Mulder-and her beliefs-that she has told no other.
"You’re
welcome,
Dana." He responds, returning her
smile.
Nervously,
they each go
back to quietly thinking to themselves; wondering what to make of their
new
friendship, while Walter stands in the kitchen near the counter;
watching them
out of their direct line of sight; completely astounded.
What
the hell did I miss
while I was asleep?
Keeping in mind Walter’s
presence within their vicinity, Alex becomes even more self-conscious,
and doesn't
like the feeling of discomfort his friend's short presence
involuntarily
brought into the room. After a few more
silent moments he smiles at Dana, and then rises from the couch. "I'll be right back."
"All right. I need to use the restroom again,
anyway."
Nodding, he
picks up
their cups and walks into the kitchen to retrieve more coffee, thus
allowing
her to proceed to the bathroom down the hall.
Venturing
back into the
living room minutes later, Dana finds a hot cup waiting for her; along
with a
spoon and the hazelnut creamer she seems to have become addicted to
drinking.
Stopping
beside the couch
she looks over and smiles at Alex, as he leans against the doorway that
leads
to the kitchen. She momentarily observes
the placement of his left arm against the jamb, yet, she doesn't allow
her gaze
to stall on it; fearing he will misconstrue her glance as being one of
pity.
However,
catching the
path of her vision, he does believe such and fails to return her smile. Still self-conscious about his
prosthesis-even after four years-he decides to simply watch her. To wait and see what she how she goes about
bringing up the subject. You
must have questions, Dana. Don't you want
to pry any out of me?
A
bit taken aback when it appears that she will remain silent, he finally
offers
her a small smile, and takes a sip of his coffee. That
you will actually allow me to make
the first comment about this astounds me.
Considering you're a doctor, I thought you would've asked about
it as
soon as you saw the first available chance.
He continues
watching her
walk through the living room, and he finally cracks a smile when he
realizes
how petite she really is when shoeless. You
certainly are…tiny…when you take off those break-your-neck heels,
aren't you?
His
grin widens, until he again catches
her
chance a look at his arm. He then
immediately
looks at the floor, mortified. Shit! I guess I was wrong after all.
Christ, not you, too, Dana. Can't
anyone ever just see me?
Why the hell does everyone have to focus on my fucking arm?!
"Alex? Are you okay?" She
quietly asks, realizing too late that she's
been caught looking at him and feeling badly for it.
Way to
go, Dana! Like he isn't self-conscious
enough!
"I'm
fine." He replies softly, refusing
to raise his gaze from the floor.
"Alex? Would you…would you please sit with
me?" She presses, horrified by what
he must be thinking. Damn it,
what have I done? More importantly, why do
I care?
"I'm
sorry, Alex. I can see that you are
uncomfortable, and I want you to know that you needn't be.
Not around me."
"Excuse
me?!" He exclaims in surprise,
while looking up at
her swiftly; astonished by her words.
"You're
sorry? What do you
have to be sorry for?" He inquires,
confused.
She reaches
the couch and
sits down, while motioning for him to join her with a wave of her hand. "Please, Alex. Come
and sit down." I have to make him
understand his arm is
not offensive to me.
Why?
Because it
isn't. If anything, his injury only proves
how much
he, too, has truly lost in his own battles with the fucking Syndicate.
Puzzled, Alex
maintains
eye-contact as he gazes at her from across the room; gauging her
expression for
any sign of deceit. Realizing she is being
sincere, he slowly walks over, thus beginning a ritual which will last
for a
great many years to come, though neither of them know it as of yet.
"Don't…don't
be
sorry, Dana. What happened to me had
nothing at all to do with you, and I have-albeit slowly-come to terms
with
my…disfigurement."
"I'm sorry if
I made
you feel bad, Alex. That was not my
intention. I just…I merely want you to
know
that your prosthesis doesn't bother
me."
"Well, you
are
a…"
"It has nothing
to do with my being a doctor, Alex. It
has to do with the fact that it's as much a part of you, as your other
arm. It doesn't change who you are. You need to realize that, Alex. I was merely…looking…because I am in awe of
you."
"What?!" He asks, almost
dropping his coffee cup. She
can't possibly be…
"I am
serious, Alex. You are…remarkable. Earlier, I
was watching you make coffee, and
it is amazing to me just how well you…have adjusted.
In fact, I actually forgot about it, until I
saw you leaning against the doorway. It
is…you are…shit! Nevermind, I'm not even
making any sense. Just…just know that I
don't see it when I look at you.
Okay?"
"Then…then
why were
you looking at…at my…left side?" He
stammers warily, unable to fully comprehend the statement she has just
made to
him.
"Oh, Alex. I was…in all honesty I was looking because I
was startled. To
remember that it is not real. Not flesh.
You have…" She sighs, frustrated
for not being able to properly articulate what it is she wishes to say. "I forgot it
was artificial."
He inhales
sharply, and turns
away from her. "Jesus, Dana that is
probably the nicest thing anyone has
ever said to me since
"I meant it,
Alex." She replies softly, before
taking a sip of her coffee.
Skinner
reenters the
living room from the kitchen and sits in the recliner opposite the
couch,
oblivious to what has transpired in his absence. "Are
you both hungry?"
A bit shaken
by his sudden
presence Alex and Dana shake their heads in the negative.
"Walter,
please, you
don't have to put yourself out."
"Stop it,
Dana. I insist.
Besides, what were you going to do?
Go home and eat some of that yogurt with bee pollen you have
become so
fond of?" He quips, unaware of the
tension between the two sitting across from him.
She grins,
immensely
grateful for his humor. "Of course
not. I was thinking of a nice bowl of
granola."
"Oh that
is healthy for you, now isn’t it?"
He replies, rolling his eyes at Alex, who is still trembling
from his
talk with Dana, though not visibly.
"Actually, it
is." She laughs. "Why?
What did you have in mind?"
Alex
instantly relaxes at
the sound of her amusement. Smiling at
her widely, he asks, "How about some eggs?"
"Eggs sound
fine." She agrees, suddenly
famished, and in that moment; for some inexplicable reason, she is
certain that
everything is going to work out. Though,
as she sits drinking coffee with the two men, she again wonders…How
will
Mulder react to this? To everything?
Hell, I
forgot to
mention John to him. How will he
take
the news that I have a new partner? Will
he understand?
Or, will
he feel as
though he has been replaced?
These
thoughts trouble
her greatly, because even while she is still hurting about what had
happened
between them the previous night, she still worries about him enough to
hope he
will understand all of the changes currently taking place.
I can only
hope he is
willing to embrace the changes, and be willing to move on toward the
next step
in our journey. And now…with a few new
players added to our team, hopefully we can begin to get some of the
answers we
have so desperately searched for all this time.
