DISCLAIMER:  See Disclaimer Page

TIMELINE:  Set a year after Existence.  Semi-AU.

DEDICATION:  This is for all of the SLASH Writers out there who continue to feel the compulsion to write about Mulder and Krycek.  May our love for these two carry on, for a great many years to come.  My heartfelt thanks go out to my friend Olga for assisting me with my Russian in this story.
As always, this is for NCL - My Eternal Inspiration.

 
The Lions

 
Ours was a love affair to remember…

 
I pick up my third chilled glass of Stoli-having become a devoted vodka drinker-and try not to choke, as the icy liquid travels down my throat.  Burning, yet soothing.

 
Christ, how many times have I come across that sappy line?  I wonder, as I play with the platinum band on my left ring finger.

 
Books.

 
Movies.

Poetry that I've written myself, but never-never-showed to anyone else.

Not even him.

Not that it matters now, anyway.  He's dead.

He is dead, and I-in all my stoic, stone-cold pompousness-did nothing to interfere.

Nope.

I just let it happen.

God, I was so tired.  Tired of all the bullshit, the games; tired of watching him hurt.  Tired of the rhetoric everyone seemed destined to spit out at me, all for their 'causes' and 'agendas'.

Fucking bullshit!

So, I watched him die-and did nothing to keep it from happening; from playing out like a tragic Shakespearean drama; hoping he'd find peace, because I certainly had no options left at that point.

"Romeo, Romeo, wherefore art Thou, Romeo?"

Yeah, some Juliette I made.  I let him get killed, by a son of a bitch with a heart as chilling as liquid nitrogen, because I had-warped as it may sound- thought it would all work out.

That was a year ago-today-and that murderous bastard is gone now, too.

Good fucking riddance.

Now…now I am in Hell.  Have been for three hundred sixty four days and twenty hours.  But, then again, who's counting?

Scully's gone.  Rather, she is still in Georgetown-playing 'Happy Housewife' to that new partner of hers-but gone nonetheless.

Purged from my desolate existence, as I can't stand to see her pretty face anymore.  Not when all I can recall from our last meeting is the beam of delight she sent me from her sapphire eyes, when she found out what had happened in the garage of that fucking building.

'Justice is finally served!' she had said.

Yeah, right, and my life is no longer worth living, Scully.  I had thought at the time, but refused to voice.  I just didn't feel up to wasting any of my oxygen on her.  Not any longer.

Instead, I merely sighed, and walked out of her hospital room without so much as a glance at that child of hers-and faded away.  Listening to her sputter 'Mulder?!' several times as I walked down the hall, and not giving one fuck about it.

From there, I went home-to Alex's haven-and picked up one of his guns from the cabinet he had screwed to the interior wall of the bedroom closet.  A pretty, black, Glock18C .9mm.  His favorite model, hence why he owned three of them.  Completely untraceable.

And fully automatic.

Truly a beautiful thing-just like he had been.

Perceptive to what I had to do, I left for a drive out to Virginia.  I, and the full clip of ammunition I had stashed into the pocket of Alex's black leather jacket that he had, wonderingly, not been wearing at the time I witnessed his murder-had a score to settle.

They say that 'Revenge is a dish best served cold.' and that 'Vengeance is sweet.'

Well, I was certainly feeling frozen in the sweltering heat of Skinner's fucking penthouse, On his salary? and my teeth ached at the thought of never tasting Alex again.

In hindsight, it was so easy to assassinate that bald-headed prick, I was actually shocked.  I couldn't help but ask myself why I hadn't done it sooner.  A long time before the fucking nightmare that took my Rebyonak from me.  Like after the Duane Barry incident.

It is only now; I know I should have killed him then.

Anyway, it felt positively orgasmic to watch him twitch after I casually removed Alex's prized firearm from behind my back, upon my arrival.  The startled look in his eyes almost sent my body over the edge into ecstasy, but I fought it with all the strength I could muster.  I just had to shoot him first-to make him pay in spades for what he did to my Alex.  My Krysa.

My single reason for drawing breath.

God, but that first shot was bliss!  Directly into his right arm-just as he had done in the garage.  He screamed bloody fucking murder.

I bit my lip to keep from laughing in glee.

The second shot was heavenly!  Also into his arm, and I felt triumphant when he shouted out in agonized pain; leaving me, ironically, proud of the fact that Alex had remained virtually silent, himself.

I then waited a few moments before making the killshot; my breath quickening, as my jeans tightened.  I knew what was coming, and I reveled in the knowledge.  To have this man at my mercy-the murderer of my essence-was indeed heady.  But I had a few things I needed to say first.  Things that I hoped-prayed-would haunt him for the rest of eternity in the flames of Hades.
 

'Do you, Walter Skinner, have any idea what you have done to me?  Do you not have a fucking clue as to what you have taken?!'

'Mul…'

'Shut up!  Not one fucking word, Skinner.  Not one fucking word!  You are going to die tonight, I can promise you that, but…before you go on your eternal trip through the Lake of Fire, you are going to listen to what I have to say.

'For fucking years you sat on the fence.  For fucking weeks, you stood by me; stating you believed in the Cause.  And for fucking days you have sat around conference tables, and eaten Chinese food with Alex Krycek!  Looking for all of the world, as if you had finally realized he was on my side.  Yet, not once, in all our years of service together, did you open your eyes to recognize what was going on under your very nose!'

'Mulder?  What…what…are you…talking about?'

'He was mine you fuck! Mine! He was mine to hurt, mine to soothe, mine to lo…love, and mine to kill!  You had no right, whatsoever, to take him down, Skinner!  No right!  He!  Was!  Mine!  And you…you took him away from me.  You…you took away the only person who ever believed in me!  The only person who listened to me, and didn’t judge.  The only person who ever truly loved me!

'He was my husband, you govn'uk!  You killed my husband in cold blood, and made me watch!

'You…you never even gave me the chance to react!  You just…shot him…down…like he was nothing!  But he wasn't 'nothing' Skinner!  He was my 'Everything'! He was the reason I kept fighting!  It was all for him!  All that I have accomplished over the last six years was for him!  For Us!  I really thought you had come to realize that, Skinner.

'Instead, now…now he has been taken away.  My 'Happily Ever After' has been stolen from me.  By you.  Therefore, I must do this, too, for him.

'It may not bring him back to me, back to the place he belongs; but it will certainly make me feel tons better!  Knowing you are no longer around to destroy anyone else, as you have annihilated Krysa and me!'

'Mulder.  I…I didn't know…I…'

'Enjoy Hell.'
 

His eyes widened as I squeezed the trigger a third time; immensely enjoying the feel of the recoil in my wrist, and I came the moment the bullet penetrated his pate; screaming Aleksei's name at the top of my lungs as I emptied both myself, and the clip.

It took quite awhile for my body to recover, and I am forever grateful that my sixth sense had reminded me to attach the silencer, before I had left Alex's Mercedes for the elevator.  As I leaned against the wall opposite of my mark's dead body, I smiled.  Hoping beyond reason that Alex had been able to bear witness to what I had accomplished.

Another job well done, though it was a hollow victory.

Alex is still gone.

And I am living in a torment of my own making.

I left Crystal City, never to return.  I went back to Alex's place, grabbed anything and everything I could to remind me of his existence, and then vacated my own apartment.  Two days later, I, too, was gone and the events of  Washington, D.C.  have merely become a nightmare I replay in my mind's eye on almost a nightly basis.  Particularly scenes of the J. Edgar Hoover Building.

Where we met.

Where he died.

Where I, too, ceased to exist.

~~~

The Lions
5:00 p.m.

"Jesus! I need to get the fuck out of here!"

On this day, of all days, I probably shouldn't be alone.  It pains me severely to know that I can't kill myself, either.  Aleksei would have never approved.

Funny, that.

Let’s see, three hundred sixty four days, and twenty-two hours.  I just might die, anyway, before this day is out.  I don't know if my body can handle the stress.  To remember-to know-that he and I had been together at this very time last year…

It's too much.  Every time I've closed my eyes today, I've seen him fall.

Falling to his death, while I agonized because I had no option.  I couldn't go to him.  Because, in order for our mission to succeed, I had to turn away from the extinguishing light of his emerald eyes, and go to Scully.  To protect the new child-the new Savior-of our race.

"What a fucking joke!"

Fuck, I certainly hope that kid grows up to realize just what I gave up-what Alex gave up-just so he could live.

"Maybe I'll send Scully my poems, after all.  She can read them to the little runt, and make him understand his destiny; save the world, so that people like his mother can enjoy the loves of their lives."

Unlike me.

I am still alone, and haven't had a release since the night I executed Aleksei's killer.  I haven't even had the desire, if truth be told.  All I'd be left with, anyway, is the stinging knowledge it went to waste across my hand.  Instead of against his silky skin.  His toned body.  His sinewy…

"Yep, I need to get the fuck out of here for a while."

~~~

Downtown Vancouver, B.C.
6:00 p.m.

Walking through the streets of this city I now call home, I can't help by think of Alex.  Of how much he would have enjoyed the view of the mountains over the Pacific Ocean.  The contrast is amazing.  Of how much he would have liked to meet the friendly people I come across, though I try to keep from having any contact with them, myself.

It is simply too hard.

"I should have never left him alone that night.  I should have run to him and said, 'Fuck the mission, Alex!  Fuck Humanity!  None of it matters, if I can't have you, Krysa!'  But I could not have done that, which is why I didn't."

We both knew our roles.  It hadn't mattered if we were married, or not.  The world had to be protected; and no one gave a shit what we had to give up in order for that to happen; to keep the public in the dark, so that they could continue to go about their daily lives; while we saved their asses from the shadows, and lost our own in the harsh florescent lights of a parking garage.

"I should have stayed, and taken care of him; his body.  I should have given him a proper burial."

Alas, when I came back-after finally retrieving Scully and placing her in the nearest Emergency Room-he was gone.  Forever out of my reach, and Skinner never told me where he had taken him.

Not that I gave him the chance to, really.  He was too busy being dead within twelve hours of the scene he had left for me.

All that precious blood…

It’s a wonder I told Scully anything at all, before I went to kill Skinner.

"I should have killed him first.  The extra hour I gave him to live, was simply too damn generous of me.  Jesus, Mulder, you need to get a grip!"

Three hundred sixty four days, twenty-three hours.

Shaking my head, I look around and am startled to find myself staring at a pub sign across the street.  It is enough to make me want to cry, or laugh like an insane man.

"Fox and Firkin.

"It figures.  Even here my past catches up with me, as does my name.  An English-Style pub, just what I don't need right now.  Fuck it, I'll just go back to my small hole in the wall, six stories up, and drown in some more vodka.  I must be nuts to have thought being out and about would do me any good."

Not caring that I am receiving some funny looks for talking to myself, I turn to go back home, while wishing with all my retched heart and empty soul that I would simply get hit by a careless cab driver, and die.

~~~

The Lions
6:30 p.m.

"Ours was a love affair to remember."  I repeat, as I open the door to my lonely apartment.  Praying to a God I don't believe in, to allow me to just fucking forget.

Forget about his beautiful body; pressing me against the wall, or pinning me steadfastly to the floor.

Forget about his emerald eyes that told me everything I ever needed to know, with a mere glance.

"Christ, I need another shot.  Wait…fuck that.  I need the rest of the damn bottle, if I am going to survive this night."

I need to forget about the smoky tone of his voice, as he called out my name; his arms held open for an embrace.  'C'mere, Fox.'

"Fox?"

"Holy God!  I am losing it!  Three hundred sixty four days, twenty three hours and thirty minutes, and I am finally losing it!"

I knew I wouldn't last a year.  I knew it.

Removing my liquid solace from the freezer, I don't even bother with reusing my glass.  I simply turn around, open the cap, and raise it to my lips.  Only to drop it to the floor, where it lands with a shallow thump, as I take in the image before me.

"Fox?"

"Three hundred sixty four days, twenty-three hours, thirty-five minutes…Twenty-five minutes until one year, and I am having hallucinations!"

"Rebyonak?"

"No!  No, no, no, no, no!  Jesus Fucking Christ!  Do not do this to me!  Don't!  Don't!  Not today!  Not now!  So close to the time he died!  I can't…I can't handle anymore!  Isn't…isn't it enough I am alone?!  Isn't it enough that I miss him so fucking much I want to rip my own heart out to get away from the searing pain?!  Please!  Please do not make me have visions, too!  I simply can't tolerate anymore!"

"Fox…Lisitsa?  You are not hallucinating.  I am here, Malish!  Open your eyes, and see me, Fox.  Look at me, please?  I love you.  I need you.  Please, Fox, open your eyes!"

"You are not real!"  I scream, as I rush to my feet; reaching for a gun that I am not carrying.  "Shit!  I saw my Krysa die!  I saw that bastard kill him!  I couldn't…I couldn't do anything about it!  Nothing!  He is dead, because of me!  Get out!  You are an apparition!  A mirage in my mind of the man I loved most, and I helped to assassinate!  That is what you are!  A penance!"

"No, Fox.  You are wrong, Mush, I didn't die.  In fact, Malish, I was never even shot."

"That’s a lie!  I watched it happen!"

"No, no, Fox.  It wasn't me!  It was a clone!"

"No way!  That is too fucking easy of an explanation!  I witnessed my mush get killed!  It was him!  I would know!  I…I would…know.  It…it was Aleksei; it had to be.  If he…if Alex were truly alive, he would have come to me sooner!  He…"

"I came as fast as I possibly could, Fox.  I have been…incarcerated.  I was…taken…by Skinner.  After…after you left with John Doggett, he trapped me.  He and…and Knowle Rohrer.  They trapped me in an elevator at the Hoover.  Skinner kept me pinned inside, while Rohrer made a…a switch.  The man Rohrer left with was not me!  He-the doppelganger-is who you saw, Fox.  Skinner grabbed me, and then cuffed me to the fucking piping in his office bathroom.  He then…then he went to the parking garage."

"What?!"

"Please, Fox.  Listen to me.  Skinner came back about an hour later.  He told me that you had been taken care of; that I'd never see you again.  He then…took me by force to the Mount Weather Underground Complex in Bluemont, Virginia.  I never saw him again, Fox.  And I…I thought I'd never see you again, either.  It took…it took me eight months to escape."

"That's not…just not possible.  Why would…why would Skinner…have…"  I gasp, puzzle pieces falling rapidly into place within my memory.  Recollections of Alex in Skinner's office, standing to join Doggett and me, but Skinner speaking up-saying he still needed to talk to Alex.  To go over the plan once more; telling us that he would send Alex out to catch up in a few minutes.  "Oh my God!"

"Fox?"

"I…I remember wondering why I saw him with Rohrer.  I took a double-take, even, because it…it didn't make any sense!  Then, then he came over to me, after Rohrer had left with Doggett, and I waited for Skinner.  Then he…he…he started to tell me about all the times he had saved me.  It hadn't…I couldn't understand why he was telling me all of those things because…because we'd been married for several years by that time and…and then he pulled a gun on me.  He…"

"No, Malish!  I'd never do that…I'd rather…"

"I thought it was so…odd.  But then, before I could even so much as ask what the hell he was doing, Skinner showed up, and began shooting!  And, and I went completely numb.  I couldn't…couldn't…stop…him.  So, instead, I just…Jesus, I just left!  I…I…"

"You did what you had to do, Fox.  You had to complete the mission-at all costs-and get to Scully.  But, Love, it was not me!  Don’t you see me, now?  Malish, you did not watch me die!"

"I…I don't…I don't understand.  How?  Where…where have…"

"Looking for you, Fox.  I have spent the last four months since my escape; looking for you.  I went back home…cause I was going to kill Skinner for what he did to me, only…I found out he was already dead.  Immediately, I knew it had been you who killed him, but…I couldn't find you!"

"He killed Alex, so I killed him.  I didn't even hesitate.  I simply knew he had to perish for taking my Krysa."  I whisper, realizing-a bit belatedly-I am in complete and utter shock.  I begin trembling, as the being standing in my field of vision once again starts to speak.  I have to close my eyes against the image, or I might very well start screaming.

"It has taken me months to track you down, Fox.  I went everywhere you have ever been.  I even went to The Vineyard; Rhode Island.  I then went down to New Mexico and spoke to Gibson Praise about…"

"I went to Gibson to inform him that it was over.  That he was safe.  That Alex had given up his life, and that he would be okay, but that I was out.  I…I couldn't-can't-do it anymore.  I can't stay near anything that would…will…remind me of…of where Aleksei and I…"  I trail off, finally looking across the feet that separate me from this dream-person; into the most beautiful emerald eyes I have ever seen in this lifetime.  Startled, I can't help but whimper at the sudden and intense feelings of loss that envelop me.  "Oh Christ, you have his eyes!"

"Yes, Fox.  I do.  I am here, Lisitsa, please believe me, Fox.  C'mere, and touch me.  I am aching for you to touch me."

"Bok!  Ya sazhaleyu, Aleksei!"

"Net!  Nichevo strashnaval!"

"But…but if I had just…"

"No, Fox.  Stop!  It was not your fault, and I will not tolerate one more moment of you thinking it was!"

"Oh, God!  Aleksei?"  The reality of his presence finally hits me, and I fling myself at him, unable to resist the pull of his body on mine.  "Oh Jesus, Alex!  Krysa, you…you are really here?!"

"Shh, Lisitsa, it's all right.  Everything, everything is going to be all right now.  I'm home.  Okay?  I am home, and I'm not going anywhere."  He says, trying to reassure me.

But I don't really know if he can.

"How…how did you know where to find me?  How did you end up in Vancouver?"  I ask him through a mouthful of sobs, as I bury my hands into his silky sable hair, and pull him as close to my body as I am physically able.  He rains kisses upon my face, mingling his tears with my own, as I draw him even closer.  "Alex…Alex…Alex…"  I repeat in a mantra, unable to stop saying his name, as he tries to explain his absence.

"After I spoke to Gibson, I flew back to D.C., and confronted Scully.  I scared the shit out of her, actually, considering she, too, thought I had died.  Must have worked in my favor, though, because all she said-after she caught her breath-was three words:  'Mulder's in Vancouver.'  That was this morning, Fox.  I came on the first flight out of Dulles, and have spent the day trying to locate you.  It was only by the Grace of God that I saw you down on the street.  You were looking at some…sign.  It had your name on it.  I knew then, I had finally come to the right place.  I called out your name, but you turned away, and apparently didn't hear me when I called.  So, I began running, as fast as I could.  I followed you into this building, and into the apartment.  Did you know you didn't even think to shut the door?  God, Fox, what happened to your instincts?"

"I…I haven't really…cared…anymore, Alex."  I reply, as I hear the small clock in the bedroom chime out seven times.  "Three hundred sixty five days."  I state, beginning to place kisses all over his face.  Trying desperately to convince myself that he is real.  That he is back where he belongs; with me.

"What?"  He asks, looking at me closely, worry clearly expressed in his beautiful eyes.

"One year, Krysa.  One year since my life was decimated.  One year since I began to feel non-existent; hollow."  I'd love to try to better explain myself, because I know I am scaring him, but I can't, as I begin to break down once more, and clutch him for dear life.  "This was the worst year of my life…"

"Shh, Malish, don't think about it anymore.  It's all over.  I am home, and we are together.  I will never leave you again, Fox."

"Jesus, I killed him, Alex!"  I confess, leaning my forehead against his.  "I killed Skinner, and he had not killed you!  That…that means…"

"He might as well have, Fox.  For the past year, I have been dead without you.  It was not…not until I saw you, on the street and walked in here tonight, that my heart began beating again-that I felt alive, again."

"Me, too, Aleksei.  Oh, God, me too!  It's been so hard without you.  I can't…couldn't do anything without hurting.  Then, with today being a year, I seriously didn't know if I would be able to make it through the coming night."

"I am so sorry, Fox.  So sorry."

"This…this is real, right?  You…you're not going to disappear when the clock strikes midnight?"  I ask, still fearful I may be dreaming his entire presence because of my distraught emotional state.

"I won't disappear, Fox.  I promise.  Come; let me prove to you just how real I am."

I begin to chuckle at that.  I can't help it.  "Christ, I haven't…it's been a year since I've done that, too, Alex."

"What?"

"I…I'm serious.  There has certainly been no one else, and I just…couldn't bring myself to do…"  I stop, marveling as he begins to laugh.  Jesus!  I have missed his laugh so much!  "What is so funny?"

"I haven't done anything either, Malish.  Kind of hard when you are incapacitated, and after…I've spent every waking moment searching for you.  Trying to get home."

"How did you get out, Alex?  I ask, softly, still shaken by all that has transpired in the manner of a half hour.

"It was…bloody, Fox.  I spent months pretending to be brainwashed, until, just as they felt it was time for me to 'join' them, I swiped a gun and shot my way out.  I can't…there is no way I know how many I've killed to get here.  I lost count after the first twelve…things.  I don't know who they were, Fox, but they…they just didn't seem to want to die."

"Are you saying there were a lot of them, or that they were hard to kill?"

"Yes."

"What?  What do you…what do you think they were, Alex?"

"I'm not sure, Fox.  I'm not sure."

I watch, then, fascinated as he takes my hand.  His ring glittering in the fading light from the window, and I have to bite my lip to keep from crying out.

"What's wrong?"  He asks; his concern strengthening.

Damn, will you never stop worrying about me?   Then again, please don't. "Nothing, anymore, Alex." I reply, rushing to touch his face once more; my own ring sparkling in the evening light.  "Nothing, anymore."

"Good, then let's go to bed, okay?  It's time to pick up where we left off, and begin a new chapter in our lives.  Don't you agree, Lisitsa?"

Smiling brightly for the first time in a year, I begin leading him to our bed, when a thought suddenly strikes me, and I feel compelled to share.

"You want to know something interesting, Krysa?"

"Mmm, what?"  He questions, nibbling on the back of my neck as we proceed down the short hallway.

"We can be legally wed in Vancouver."

He stops, and I find I have to halt, as well.  Not willing to allow even an inch of space between us now that I have him back.

"That, Fox, is the second best news I have received in…"

"Three hundred sixty five days, and…twenty-four minutes?"

"Exactly."

"Mm, yes.  I am glad you agree.  How about we go out tomorrow and begin anew with our love affair to remember?"

"Oh, Lisitsa, do you have any idea how sappy that just made you sound?"  He asks, pulling me into his embrace, and holding me tightly.

I sigh, completely content for the first time…in too fucking long.  "Yes, Alex.  I am aware."  I reply, grinning as I push him through the bedroom door, and lay him on our bed.  "Perfectly aware."
 

Fin…

Copyright ~ March 27, 2004

Tammy D. Aiken-Phillips

Russian Translations:

Malish - Baby
govn'uk - bastard
Mush - husband
Bok! Ya sazhaleyu, Aleksei! - God!  I'm sorry, Alex!
Net! Nichevo strashnaval! - No!  Forget about it!  Don't worry!